all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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