everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
