I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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