i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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