I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
