Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
