I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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