I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
