she was so not down for the gang bang
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
