You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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