proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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