Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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