Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize