you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
