God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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