my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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