So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
