dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
