Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
