I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
