I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
