i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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