ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
