I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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