Pappa wants mamma naked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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