he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
