turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
