she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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