How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize