i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think my mom watched the whole time
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
