Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
