i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
