im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
