i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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