I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
