I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
