I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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