I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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