You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's never too late to be topless.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
