i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
