Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
