We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
