and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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