party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
