he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
