What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
