I cockslap morals
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
