well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
