I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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