David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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