I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize