I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
