I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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