She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize