he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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