when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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