there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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