so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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