I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
