we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
