I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
