I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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