the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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