You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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