she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
