Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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