Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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