Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
