Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
