I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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